The Beginning Of Spam By: Mark

Yo Tangen,

How’ve you been? Just checking up on you, thought I’d let you know what sort of stuff has been going on around here. I guess I’ll have to tell you the whole story.

So this guy moves in next door, Martin, and we get along right? So I invite him over to have a couple of beers and all of a sudden I see that he’s real messed up. So he starts telling me about this dude who’s like the 14th generation of this really important business guy , what’s his face (I forget his name). Anyway, so this guy Bob, he’s the 14th, so he’s good looking, you know, good with the ladies. So he gets to this chick, this typical good girl that he can’t have, her name is Joy. So they start talking and they get together as a couple. So here comes the important part. After two weeks or so the chick calls him up and she’s all like, “I’m pregnant”. But the thing is they never had sex so it can’t be his. So she says that god “sent her” the baby or something. This kid bolted out of there. Then this angel thing comes up and convinces the guy to get back together.

When they went on vacation to a little island near Madagascar Joy went into labor. They get through it together and call the kid Alan. Apparently, rumors started spreading that he would be as powerful as Bill Gates. The Indian chief guy got pissed that another white guy would take his territory so he commanded all habitants of the island to kill all babies who were born boys. (Are you getting freaked out? Me too at first but the whole story is weird so get used to it.)

Anyway, they got freaked out and went back to Perth, Australia but later moved to Sydney where the kid could grow up. Of course he had to follow his mom’s footsteps, a weird little kid. he’s such a goody-too shoes; he even wanted to get baptized. Supposedly, when he camee out of the holy water God said, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” Chap. 3: 17

So the kid is now a man and is starting to get his act together. Then this whole thing about right and wrong starts going and of course Satan is in there because every good story has to include him right? So this Alan guy starves himself for forty days and nights to prove a point or something. (I think it was a lame excuse to lose weight.) At the end he wins and starts teaching al this moral crap which you and I wouldn’t go for; all this stuff about God and how to be good by giving your best to other people and respecting, all this sort of hippie vibe towards other people.

Some guys follow his “teachings” and stuff and become like his disciples. Simon, Andrew and James. Of course the hippie thinks Simon isn’t a worthy name so he is re-named Peter. After hiking and giving a speech, (more like a sermon) at the top of the mountain stating his “rules” of life, more people follow. (Especially because he starts doing all these so-called “miracles” on his way down.)

The people who don’t like the kid start telling him he’s getting mixed with the prostitutes and landlords, he could care less. He gets all mushy gushy and says his disciples are his family now. He keeps on making these rules and making them harder to follow. The people who hated him hated him even more. They got the power to crucify the kid; they went old school on him.

For his last meal instead of throwing this last feast he eats bread and drinks wine symbolizing his blood and his body. (that narcissist…) So he prays to his so-called father (God) to see if he could change his fate, turns out he’s screwed. After being crucified he 3 days later he’s “reborn” or whatever .

I asked the guy next door, this Martin I asked him , “How do you know this?” and he’s all, “a friend wrote it to me in a letter and I had to retell it so you have to also.”

So here you go Tangen you have to keep it going, Good luck!

P.S. This sound familiar, doesn’t it? Oh, by the way remember, this is all with my italian mafia-ish accent.